faith-walk

Thank God for cancer? What a dreadful thought!

Or is it?

I found a blog today about a teenager who gave a talk in a church, thanking God for her cancer. At first it sounds shocking. If you want to get downright brutal about it, cancer took two of my brothers, my uterus, our youngest daughter’s uterus and breasts, and our oldest daughter’s life. How can I thank God for any of that?

Well, I’ll tell you how.

All four of my children had walked away from the Lord. I came to the point where I finally put them all in God’s hands and released them to Him, asking HIm to do whatever it takes to bring them back to Him. With our youngest, Missy, it took a special needs child and cancer. With our oldest, Karen, it took Missy’s cancer and MOPS. Even now I have strangers walk up to me at church, ask me if I am Karen’s mother, and tell me how God used her to change their lives. Missy and Karen both became mighty women of God.

How can I not be thankful for that?

Cancer makes you look at your life. The moment you hear that word applied to you, your life does a flip-flop, your priorities change, your life takes on a new and different meaning. And if those changes include God, one can only give thanks.

I know that my life is different because of cancer. I take nothing for granted. My priorities are quite different than friends who have not been there. Having children with cancer changes one’s perspective even more than one’s own cancer. I will never be afraid of death. Or of cancer itself. Having had children with cancer made my own cancer an inconvenience to be gotten through, but nothing to compare with theirs.

I miss Karen terribly — but I am at last reaching the point where I can concentrate on the good times, thankful for the years we had her in our lives. I can thank Him for the lives and joys of all our children. Each one is a special and remarkable gift from Him! I treasure all the moments, good and not so good.

Yes, cancer is dreadful. But it cannot win unless you let it. God is in charge, and His miracles abound. Even in cancer. So even though cancer is not what I would choose, having been there in so many ways I can indeed give thanks! Perhaps not for cancer itself, but for God’s work even through cancer.

Thanks be to God for all things, for He is IN all things. If you let Him, He will give you joy in all things.

Even in cancer.

February 11, 2008 - 11:00 A.M.

I have spent the morning waiting and praying. I had a sudden need to be where I can be found, but I told my husband Bill that I will remain here while he runs an errand. The cafeteria is quiet and almost deserted. Frantic prayer — and now peace beyond understanding. Was there a crisis, or was it only in my heart? Was the Spirit telling me to pray?

Suddenly people swirl about me. All around me, they are busy — chatting, eating, talking on cell phones, clearing trash left behind, sweeping, straightening. One woman is reading the newspaper and laughing. Another is noisily straightening chairs.

My heart is in an operating room with Missy, in an office with Maria, in the airport with Powell (is he there yet?) And in heaven with Karen.

I know that God is in charge — and what a blessed knowledge that is! Missy is in His hands. She is covered with His feathers, and under his wings she finds refuge. (Psalm 91) He is her fortress her God, her protector, her Father.

I long still to return to the waiting room, and I do wish Bill would hurry back so I can go there!

P.S. My prayer during those frantic, fearful moments in the cafeteria was, Lord, You took one child, please do not take another!

It is now 10-something at night. Missy’s surgery was very long — 8 hours, I believe. Both doctors said she did well and that there were “no surprises.” When I saw her at last, my heart lurched — I never realized how like Karen she is! They have the same eyes. I was seeing them both. I know that Karen is with Jesus, but I also believe she still knows us, that she cares and is looking down at Missy.

When I looked into those eyes tonight I believe God was telling me that Karen is all right, and that Missy is all right, too. And I can do nothing but praise Him!

Thanks be to God. Yes, He takes, but He also gives. And tonight His gift is joy in my family!

We are in the Atlanta airport waiting for our connection to Baltimore, where Missy will meet us. On Monday Missy has surgery, a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction. Or, as she calls it, her insurance funded tummy tuck and liposuction. Her attitude is outstanding.

None of us really knows exactly what lies ahead. People can tell you what to expect, but like many other things you must be there to understand. I know that there will be pain — Missy’s pain, certainly, but also the pain of a mom watching her daughter’s ordeal.

Recently Karen’s little girl overheard and misunderstood us talking about Missy’s surgery; she told her daddy that Missy’s surgery will mean that she can never have cancer again. That is not what we said and of course is erroneous. The next question, the one unasked except maybe in a little girl’s heart, is the BIG one: would Mommy be alive if they had done that to her?

Oh Karen, how we miss you!

We are experiencing so many different feelings about Missy’s surgery. And it does bring up questions about Karen. Because right or wrong, we do have questions. There will always be questions!

Still and all, we know that God is good, and that He is holding Missy in the palm of His hand. He is in control.

And for that we give thanks.

Saturday was the funeral of someone I have known since early childhood, a beautiful, elegant lady named Ruth Pounds who taught “social dancing and etiquette” to thousands of junior high school children. We learned social graces. We learned respect. We learned not to bite our nails. And we learned to dance. (more…)

This was supposed to be a coffee shop. There used to be one here, I am certain of that. There are tables, chairs, and booths, a counter, several microwaves, an obviously defunct soft drink machine; through an opening in the wall behind the counter I can see what could have been a kitchen. The room smells like popcorn, and I am hungry. Just outside in the atrium is an umbrella table. Cute, but presently unused and useless. (more…)

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. (Psalm 118:29)

25 of the thousands of things for which I am thankful to God today:

1. First, of course, that God sent His Son to die for me —- for salvation.
2. For my family - they are my rock
3. For my extended family, both here and abroad
4. For my church family
5. For my friends
6. For sweet memories - of my husband, of our children (here and in heaven), of so many past events and moments (more…)

Christian grief is such a difficult subject! Some people believe that if one becomes a Christian there should be no more grief. Bad things won’t happen. WRONG! God never promised that we would not go through the hard times. In fact, He has said to expect them. (more…)

The first time I was “really, truly in love” I was 15 years old, and I believed I had found the love of my life. I couldn’t stop talking about him! I wrote his name over and over in my notebook, I daydreamed about him in class and at night as I slept. I talked about him to everyone I met. Somehow there was always a way to work his name into a conversation. During part of the summer, away from each other on family vacations, we wrote coded letters. I read his letters over and over, almost wearing out the paper on which they were written. (more…)

1. The Lord Jesus, Who died for me
2. My family - Bill, the world’s best husband; four wonderful children; my three adorable grandchildren; my two very special sons-in-law; my brothers, both here and gone; Bill’s family; numerous nieces, nephews and cousins
3. The precious gift of frienship
4. Memories, both sweet and sad
5. America, where I can be free
6. My church family with all its hugs, smiles and wisdom
7. The constant miracle of nature
8. The Bible, where I can learn and find direction and solace
9. Parents who, though long with Jesus, gave me the basics and taught me how to live
10. Heroes to light the way
11. Music, music, music.

“Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.” (Psalm 116:15)

Another friend fell to cancer yesterday. And oh, dear God, I am so angry! I am angry at that evil that hits so many people in my life. That evil called cancer.

But this is not about cancer, it is about a man named Ward. I didn’t know him long, certainly not long enough. I (more…)

“…Your people will be my people …” (Ruth 1:16b)

Another goodbye. This time it was goodbye to our family in Ireland. It is always difficult, but this time it was as hard as when we first left. Bill and I have both had a dreadful feeling that this is the last trip there for us. A few family members may visit the States; most will not. (more…)

“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me.” (John 10:14)

In the Bible, Jesus makes a comparison between sheep and goats that used to confuse me. Goats are highly intelligent animals. Sheep are stupid. Why wouldn’t He prefer the goats to the sheep? I did!

When we lived in Ireland we had goats; our neighbor had sheep. We started with two baby goats named Margaret and Brendan after our dearest friends. (Perhaps some wouldn’t consider themselves such dear friends if they had goats named after them, but our friends got a good laugh out of it.) We acquired the kids as bottle-fed infants that would sit in Bill’s lap watching TV and would fall asleep with ther little heads on his shoulder. As they grew (more…)

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want, He makes me lie down in green pastures … my cup overflows.” (Psalm 23:1,2,5b[NIV])

It is early still, and I am the only one up. I have been sitting at the dining table with a cup of tea, gazing out at the pastoral scene before me. Most of the sheep are still sleeping; only two are partaking of the lush green grass. One lamb is bleating for its mammy, and the mammy responds.

How can one sit here and not be reminded of the 23rd Psalm? Of our Lord, our Shepherd? (more…)

“You have forsaken your first love.” (Revelation 2:4)

When my children were small, I was not a Christian. My parents and brothers were: I was not. I had rejected all of that, loudly proclaiming that I did NOT want to be one of “those people”. Like so many, I ignored the lovely Christians around me, pointing instead to a couple of ungentle Christians. I did not want to be like them! (more…)

Summer Entertainment

This morning Thomas and Ree are hanging over the deck rail watching the fascination of a drain field being dug up. Heavy equipment, big hole, huge excitement. Yesterday they watched the septic tank being pumped. Kids. Go figure. (more…)

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (Philippians 4:4)

How do you rejoice when your heart is broken? How do you rejoice when you have lost someone precious to you, or when you are totally down, when you have lost your job? How do you rejoice when your world tumbles and totters?
Well, for me rejoicing comes in different ways. Sometimes the road gets bumpy. When I’m just a little bit down, or when I’m sort of depressed, just the sound of a bird can (more…)

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matthew 19:14)

Okay, I’m a grandma. And this week they had the school awards program. Our grandson Thomas won the class science award. Our granddaughter Ree won her class Student of the Month and the “Fruit of the Spirit” awards. I don’t know if our granddaughter Sam’s school has such a program. But it’s okay. As far as I am concerned, they all (more…)

I dreamed about Karen. We talked and laughed together — it was so natural. Like she had never been away.

I had a drawer crammed with papers and junk, things I wanted to discuss with her. But when I opened the drawer it was almost empty. I turned to find Karen beside me. Her hands held all the papers, neatly stacked and arranged like you do when you don’t have a file handy but want to keep things tidy and separate — one group turned this way, the next at a right angle and so forth. (more…)

“…the joy of the Lord is your strength.” (Nehemiah 8:10b)

Today Bill reminded me about a trip we took to Texas a couple of years ago. There was a delay on the interstate. I don’t mean just a few minutes’ slow-down. This lasted for hours. I don’t remember what caused it. I just remember what it was like.

In the first place, it was hot. It was June in Florida, and we had to turn the car off, so there was no air-conditioning. Some people were angry and snappy. A few drove on the shoulder and tried to find a way out. Most took it in stride. It started off as an annoying delay, progressed to a hopelessly long delay, then turned ino an Interstate street party. (more…)

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

Mother’s Day is finally past. There were moments of meltdown — when I was alone, when a friend called to cry with me, when one of the children called and we both hit meltdown, when Thomas bent over Karen’s grave, weeping for his mommy.

But it is past, and we can move on to tomorrow.

I am weary. So now I am going to bed, to rest in the Lord. Still and always, He holds us close in His love.

Blessings ….